Fear

There’s a link today between the desire to get married and the decision to take off the headscarf. Women are starting to believe they’re out of the running if they’re veiled, because handsome, successful, rich Muslim men are looking for ‘hot babes’. Single women fear their lives would be doomed if they presented themselves as good, devout Muslim brides.

(Okay, I just heard someone slam the table and yell “OBJECTION”. I guess I hang out with too many lawyers LOL)

My apologies. Let me rephrase. Single women worry they’ll end up old and alone if they don’t step up and ‘flaunt’ what they’ve got. They think covering their beauty will slim down their chances of finding the ‘right’ guy. But where is the fear of attracting the wrong guy? The man who only cares about appearances and is embarrassed of his own religion? Isn’t ending up with a man like that worse than any other nightmare?

It’s not just single women; it’s the married ones too. Many husbands are making their wives’ lives miserable because they suddenly resent their veil. Instead of showering these women with love and compliments, they make them feel small and inadequate. I see beautiful veiled wives struggling every day, trying their best to look good for an outing with their husbands, hiding their tears and heartache of feeling like they’re not ‘good enough’.

I’ve heard Islamic scholars advise some wives to take off their Hijab if their husband threaten them with divorce! This is as sad and shameful as it gets. The constant fear of being rejected or cast aside simply because you’re obeying God’s rules is beyond painful. Instead of taking pride in being modest and shielding their beauty like a precious gem, veiled wives are being emotionally blackmailed into taking off their Hijab to ‘save’ their marriage!

These are the battles happening in our Muslim homes, and I pray from the bottom of my heart for God to heal men’s hearts, and take the blindfolds off their eyes. Part of a man’s job is to protect his woman, make her feel loved and appreciated, and be possessive and jealous over her heart, soul and beauty. (Yes we find such men extremely charming by the way!)

Frustration

“It’s just not who I am!”

This is one of the common denominator for most uncovered women today. A woman innocently wraps a scarf around her head, eager to fulfill her obligation and please Allah, only to end up feeling like she’s becoming someone she’s not. Sometimes the aggravation of losing your identity or being stereotyped into a certain sector reaches a point of explosion.

Let’s face it; some non-Muslims are losing sleep over their obsession with destroying Islam. It’s all carefully planned out and the poison is spreading subtly within us. Terrorists, narrow-minded, bigots, extremists, bombers… Aren’t these the labels many of us are constantly bombarded with nowadays?

The truth is: the frustration mostly arises from the lack of passion. A lot of Muslim women wear the headscarf for all the wrong reasons. Some of them were forced into it at a young age, and grew up detesting it. Others felt the need to dress up the part, not really pondering on why and how it affects them deep inside.

Like praying and giving charity and all the other beautiful Islamic practices that purify our souls, if you don’t let yourself fall in love with the act and the concept behind it, you’ll never find peace. Yes we seek love and appreciation, but it’s not through ‘fitting in’ that we will ever get what we are looking for. We need to live up to the teachings of our own religion, because even if the ‘wrong’ has become so normal, it still doesn’t make it ‘right’.

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: “Islam initiated as something strange, and it would revert to its (old position) of being strange. so good tidings for the stranger.” (Sahih Muslim 145)

Some of the lucky and blessed veiled women have made their Hijab part of who they are instead of what they’re not. The dress code blends in with their lives like a beautiful ray of light. They understand that the essence of Islam is acceptance, obedience and peaceful submission to the One and Only Creator.

The struggle is subdued when they remember to take pride in being Allah’s slaves and in being representatives of Islam, not only through wearing a headscarf; but through kindness, compassion, modesty and humility. It’s not that piece of cloth they wrap around their heads that makes them better people; it’s the choice to stay on the right path, even if they have to do it alone. Allah looks at the heart, not the head cover. He looks at our intentions and the purity of our faith. Allah alone is the final Judge and that’s all that matters in the end.

To all the women who took off their Hijab because they couldn’t do it anymore… I ask your forgiveness if I have offended you in any way, and I pray you find the peace you are looking for… The kind of peace that brings you closer to the Most Merciful God….

To all the men who watch their women struggle day in and day out, I hope you’ll put that extra effort and time to show them your love and support, and make them feel special … The best husband is the one who makes his woman feel like the perfect wife…

And to all of the beautiful strangers, the true icons, the confident women who hold on to their faith and beliefs, and who still find peace in wearing the Hijab… I humbly applaud your strength and I pray God fills your lives with blessings and joy…

May you always shine….

And may we all see the light

Amen

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